14 Things that Are Universally Uncool to Do


1. go into an empty theater, then sit immediately in front of someone on purpose

for movie-goers, an empty theater is the unicorn of movie experiences. freedom to stretch, unobstructed view – the advantages are many. one universally uncool thing to do is coming into a bare theater, scanning the seats, then picking on immediately in front of someone who had been sitting down. find a seat that doesn’t someone else off.

2. pulling down undies and pants at the urinal

come on, now. we’re not 5 years old anymore. if you’re in a public place, it doesn’t matter how trashed you are. there is no excuse for baring all to urinate at a urinal. if you’re really that bad off, take it into a stall. nakedness in a stall is still weird, just not as weird as in front of a urinal.

3. standing next to the only occupied urinal when many others are free

this guy is the worst. there are at least four open urinals in the bathroom you’re relieving yourself at – a guy comes in, looks up and down at the row of unoccupied urinals, then picks the closest one to you. whether or not they lean closer in towards you or sneak glances at what you’re working with, the guy that doesn’t respect the “1 urinal of space” rule is a guy not to be trusted.

4. propose at someone else’s wedding

another person’s wedding is their day – don’t be the uncool pair that just needed to become the object of attention on another couples’ big day. proposals are beautiful and they’re best done in good company. one exception is at a friend’s wedding. at very least, ask the groom and bride ahead of time and try arranging something that won’t be too much of an interruption.

5. propose at a funeral.

just as bad as proposing at a wedding, proposing at a funeral is terribly uncool. people are crying and everyone is down: proposing during a funeral is as weird for everyone else as it is for the person you’re proposing to – unless you’re both goths who hate your family. then proposing at a funeral may actually be right up your alley.

6. looking a gift horse in the mouth

say you call a friend for a ride in their car, then upon getting into their jeep, you proceed to talk about nothing but how much jeeps suck. or, for example, if you borrow a lawnmower from your neighbor but complain about how it cuts your grass while returning it… these are examples of one of the least cool things to do. don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

7. answering your phone while with company trying to watch tv. (even worse if it’s game of thrones or the walking dead)

everyone has gathered under one roof: the new episode is just getting good when all of a sudden a cell phone ring tears through the tension of the dramatic storytelling. now it’s a battle to hear the story unfold from the tv over the laughs, chatter and bs coming from the person now plastered to their phone. if you need to take a call while watching tv with friends, do everyone a favor and go into a different room.

8. pulling someone’s earbuds out

many people find peace of mind in music. the hustle and noise of a typical day is well broken up by melodious sounds and rhythms. a totally uncool move is yanking someone’s earbuds out as a surprise. not only does it irritate the inner ear when done violently, it also jerks someone out of a state of peaceful serenity into a very hostile confrontation.

9. standing someone up on a date

everyone knows and fears the feeling of abject rejection of the opposite $3X. for many, this fear rules their social interactions with the opposite $3X: fear of rejection can lead to introverted and shy personalities. among the worst things someone can do to destroy your soul and feed your fear of rejection, is standing you up. being left alone on a date, without any word hurts feelings.

10. filming a concert with an ipad

this may not immediately seem irritating or uncool; unless you’ve been to a concern behind someone doing this. filming at a public event with an ipad blocks the view of the stage for everyone behind your behemoth electronic recording device.

11. blowing through a yellow light while leading someone somewhere that they’re unfamiliar with

even with gps units, we’ve all followed a friend in a car somewhere at some point. what’s immensely frustrating is when the lead car takes off as a light is about to change, leaving you stranded, without any idea of where to go. if you’re leading someone on a car follow, don’t pull this classic uncool move.

12. stealing from friends/ family

stealing is wrong no matter what, but stealing from those you love is close to the lowest of the low. friends and family support you – they are those that you can turn to when you have no one else. to take from them sneakily is definitely tied with the top uncool things to ever do.

13. spitting on someone

regardless of where in the world you are, spitting on someone is universally an uncool insult meant to incite the quickest, angriest reaction out of the person spit on, possible. there is no context of coolness for this: it’s just gross. the more mucous, the worse it is.

14. reminding the oblivious teacher about the previous night’s homework

far too often when people think back to their days in school, they think of the socialization and the good times. not nearly often enough do they remember having watched the simpsons too late, forgotten to do their homework, then had the teacher’s pet remind the teacher about collecting homework within minutes of the issue having been entirely forgotten for the day. it is most uncool to throw the class under the bus so you get credit for doing your homework.

Brian

Friendly pop culture practitioner. Communicator. Analyst. Freelance social media expert. Bacon buff. Organizer. Infuriatingly humble coffee nerd. Tv junkie.

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